The Loser Pirate

I think the ocean is beautiful because it is so similar to me. I like to compare the waves to my own breath. In, out, in, out. As the waves hit the shore, my breath hits the air. We humans have a lot in common with the ocean. However, we still have to be careful of it. It’s a powerful thing. Much more powerful than we can comprehend. Even after being Australia’s best pirate for more than a decade, I still have much to learn about the ocean.

My most recent lesson was not to get my boat painted. In fact, I learn the hard way that adding custom boat graphics was a much better alternative. That was a lesson I learned the hard way, but it’s one I will not forget quickly. Barely a week after the painter had completed the mural of my face on the side of my boat, the entire thing had chipped off. A passing boat had also graffitied the word “loser” on my hull, which didn’t exactly help matters.

To avoid being the laughing stock of the ocean, I began to look into companies that offered premium quality fishing boat decals. I had to pretend I was a fishing boat, otherwise, I doubt they would have been willing to let me use their services. They might have even called the water police, which would have been disastrous for my pirate career. One visit from them and my buccaneering days are over.

The only reason I’ve been able to avoid the water police so far is that I am actually a genius. I don’t like to advertise it too much, otherwise, I get a lot of job applicants from wannabe pirates, and I prefer being a lone wolf. But my pirate genius has allowed me to create a sonar scrambler, which scrambles police signals and prevents my boat from being found. It also allows me to sneak up on boats, including massive ones like cruise ships where all the really, really, really rich people are hiding.